I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
