my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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