I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
