her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
