there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
