I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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