so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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