everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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