At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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