Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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