I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
