I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
