you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
