The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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