i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
