guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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