did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
