Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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