i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
