Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
