I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
