He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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