you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
