when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
