it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
