I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
