Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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