You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
