She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
