Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
