Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just pee around me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
