Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
