We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
