she peed on how many people?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
