u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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