All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
