i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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