forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
