Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
