It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
