I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
