Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
