No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
