My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
