All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
