Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
