I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
