too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
