your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just tell him i said nine months
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
