id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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