i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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