He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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